Uggh! Valentine's Day is hastily approaching and it is yet another reminder of my plight of being single...okay, maybe I shouldn't sound so disdain about my present situation. Afterall, I am surrounded by love and am grateful to have the love of family members and friends. HOWEVER, what the heck is going on in the world of singledom, I ask!!! I am following Rev. Run of Run DMC on Twitter and he posted the following tweet: "Single ladies: Sometimes you have to stand alone just to prove you can still stand!" Okay, I can understand and applaud this statement, but I've been standing alone, on one leg, all the while juggling. Meanwhile, the woman that is sitting or laying down, dare I say, is frolicking on the beach in some tropical paradise with the man of MY dreams. I am usually rather optimistic about all things in life, including love, but it is something about this time of the year within the last five years that have charged a huge degree of cynicism within me. Am I really a lost cause? Better yet, is true love really a lost cause?
I just don't understand the male species and most of my friends don't either. Some of them are so inconsistent, lack assertiveness, and have forced single women such as myself to devastatingly lower expectations in order to just have someone to converse with, with the hope that it may develop into something more meaningful over time. And even when you lower your expectations and give a guy that you normally wouldn't think about talking to a chance, guess what? He turns out to be an even bigger jerk than the guys that are your type and your thinking, "Dude, I was just giving you a chance!" Then there are the guys that you are into whom don't know how to communicate, let alone date. When did it get to the point that I had to be the initiator and planner of everything? Does actually knowing how to schedule and plan a date and eventually our life together still exist outside of The Bachelor or the movies?
My Dating Pet Peeves for the Guys
- Vague texting - You know the constant stream of texts that never amount to anything.
- Calling me an hour before you want to go somewhere - this a huge negative...do you expect me to just be sitting around waiting for you to call?
- Not calling at all for weeks and then expecting me to think that you don't have to explain why you never called and go out with you because you are available.
- Being wack and expecting me to be perfect because in your head you date nothing but beautiful actresses and models.
- Talking about everything you have, but living everything you don't have.
- Not knowing how to be friends and have fun.
- Expecting all and giving nothing or just expecting nothing at all.
Recently, someone that I know insinuated that there is plenty of time to experience all that true love brings and that I shouldn't be anxious to engulf myself in what I feel a loving relationship should be leading towards (i.e., marriage, children, romantic getaways). This person tried to make me believe that you can go months, even years without fully involving yourself in the elements of what a loving relationship usually incorporates with another person, and you and that person should just be fine with whatever and whenever. Can you believe that? My response, love shouldn't make you want to accept whatever and whenever, it should make you want to be with the one you love, every day in every way. It should not make want to linger out your separate lives because you feel you have time, but it should make you want to charge toward connecting your lives because there could never be enough time. True love shouldn't take the back seat to career and lusts of the flesh, but it should be in the front seat guiding you happily through life.
I don't believe that all hope is lost when it comes to experiencing everything that true love brings. But, right now hope is sitting on some distant island waving an SOS flag...I will rescue it on February 15th.
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"hope is sitting on some distant island..." I like that and I like you.
This is another awesome post. I couldn't agree more. I have been wondering the same thing and one night as I sat, looking rather fierce, in a corner, at a lounge having a drink (alone) and shooing all of the potential headaches away from me... I almost questioned the height of my standards. I thought about all of the wonderful guys I've come across but in my eyes there was always something missing. Me, always wanting to do right by myself, saw what I felt was a quandary and bailed out even before anything creditable began to transpire. Anyhow, I had to regain my sanity and realize that the standards I set were not asking for too much. Compromise is a massive word and an even more superior emotion; very few souls can accommodate it.
And another thing:
"you can go months, even years without fully involving yourself in the elements of what a loving relationship usually incorporates with another person, and you and that person should just be fine with whatever and whenever."
What the heck is the union about, convenience?! smh, I can not believe what that person said to you. That is complete and utter foolishness... to the fifth power.
I like your dating pet peeves! Unfortuantely for woman, you just described the average male.
ugh...it is vday and i cannot wait for it to be OVER. i'm right there with you T. looking forward to tomorrow!!!