This is not going to be a nice blog. I doubt that it will even be an relatively coherent blog. It is almost 4a and I am feeling everything but myself. I just thought I would warn you or maybe just myself now before I go any further. How did I get here? How did I get to the place where I always seem to be waiting in line for my turn? I didn't cut the line, I have made friendly conversation with those waiting in line with me, I have stood patiently waiting for my turn. Yet, this freakin line seems to be just one long never ending stream of conscious disappointment! This line seems to cater to everyone except me, so I am screaming WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN?!?!
My "friends" have been in this line with me and I have asked them to hold my place as I stepped out to take a break from the waiting, yet when I turn to take my rightful place they seem to have forgotten that it was my spot to begin with. Or, they have been called and forgot to tell the person behind them to hold my space. Either way, they have left me after I have stood by them and made our wait in this wretched line somewhat pleasing. They have left me when I have given of myself and my resources to make the wait that less burdensome. So, I am screaming WHEN IS GOING TO BE MY TURN?!?!
What's wrong with me? What's wrong with the people that can help me to get through this line that I have been waiting in for years? All I am asking for is my turn.
My "friends" have been in this line with me and I have asked them to hold my place as I stepped out to take a break from the waiting, yet when I turn to take my rightful place they seem to have forgotten that it was my spot to begin with. Or, they have been called and forgot to tell the person behind them to hold my space. Either way, they have left me after I have stood by them and made our wait in this wretched line somewhat pleasing. They have left me when I have given of myself and my resources to make the wait that less burdensome. So, I am screaming WHEN IS GOING TO BE MY TURN?!?!
What's wrong with me? What's wrong with the people that can help me to get through this line that I have been waiting in for years? All I am asking for is my turn.
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There have been many times that I've felt like that too.. I am really sorry to hear you are having a similar experience...
Maybe we should both no longer wait for our turns, but instead figure out a way to MAKE it our turn you know?
Good luck!
In these two short paragraphs, you have said more than a four page letter. I understand where you're coming from. I too have had self doubting moments but, I will not make this a drawn out message about myself (if I start to point out similarities within your post and my own personal journey it will become about me). Anyhow, I feel compelled to tell you what you may already know. Success is a struggle and you can not expect to attain it without hard work and DEDICATION. You may even have to be a little self-centered (who will look out for you better than yourself). What is your definition of success, what does it mean to you? Is it a criterion made personally achievable for you or is it an idea molded from what others (media, other people you feel are better off than you, ect.) have mentally force fed you? You’ve already come so far and have patiently waited in line this long, why give up? When you stand in line and only focus on the people in front you, you’ll grow restless and impatient; you may even inadvertently start to envy them because you’re thinking “if only I had gotten here sooner, I’d be where you are.” Contraire… You have forgotten one thing, all it takes it a quick glimpse in back of you (to see how much you’ve progressed), you’ll realize that, the line has formed in back of YOU and there are people waiting behind you (where you use to be). Sometimes you have to be a little selfish when you’re waiting for your turn, no giving anyone courtesy cuts, no bringing tag-alongs and no getting out of line for anything (whatever you feel you’ve left behind, you can go back for it once you’ve gotten your turn).
Can't seem to find the correct word(s) to express how I am feeling right now reading this blog. Of the thousands of conversations we've had over your lifetime, I'm at a loss to understand how you cannot see the Beauty, the Greatness, the Vastness, the Incredible Essence of YOU. My heart is heavy and my soul is crying out.
STOP THE MADNESS. STOP THE TRYING.
STOP THE PRETENDING. STOP THE NEEDING. STOP THE WANTING. STOP THE WAITING. STOP THE GUESSING. STOP THE HOLDING ON. JUST STOP.
Now is the time you SURRENDER TO ALLOWING.
Open yourself to RECEIVING.
Carve out the time for the universe to provide you with all that you so desire, all that is your divine birthright, all that is ALREADY so.
Come out of your hinterland. I will be home on Saturday, we will move forward with this.
You better say it again Gwendolyn! I think T was just having a moment. If she doesn't realize how great she is, we'll have to lock her in a room, tie her to a chair and make a her watch a never-ending movie of "THIS IS YOUR LIFE." LOL
P.S.
T, you are a wonderful, intellegent and successful woman. The fact that you're able to share your inner beauty with so many people, you're never bias and you're so encouraging is a blessing and you are a blessing to us all.
Such a sweet, sweet piece, T! You've managed to convey what so many may feel, by revealing a piece of your own inner beauty through this form of expression. It has touched me to read the responses of those folks closely familiar with you, as they've stretched to remind you of what you've already given to them, and by default, shared with the world. So as it being a blessing to me to have read words so eloquently put, that express your desire to get through this "line," I challenge that perhaps you've already entered! That perhaps the event wasn't as luxurious as it was all cracked-up to be (in the beginning), but you are making the best of your experience thus far. In doing so, you are blessing readers with pieces like this, that not only conjure emotion, but are inspirational, and metaphorically, the flint needed to advance their "fire." Thank you T., this piece was lovely! Your waiting in line has helped produce a piece that has helped to evolve my soul. Know your worth, sweets-->because there're several rooms at this party :) Thank you!
-DKwon
-- Sent from my Palm Pre